Rocking out in 2009

For a couple of years I’ve been pretty closed off to the idea of dating. I didn’t want to invest the time and energy into another relationship since I honestly thought, “What’s the point?”

So, instead, I focused on myself. Figuring out what I want in life, and developing a life plan of sorts.

All that was fine and dandy until last summer when it occured to me that I was starting to get a little lonely. That perhaps dating wouldn’t be such a horrible thing to endure after all.

Enter Theresa, who very nonchalantly introduced me to a friend of hers (again). He was relatively normal, fairly well adjusted, educated, blah, blah, blah.

Only one problem. No sparks. Not even the dull flicker of a firefly.

I gave it a chance to see if anything would develop. Hell, I gave it a good fight, but there was nothing. I was honest with him though, in telling him I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Fast forward 3 months down the road (early December), and I’ve realized I need out.

I end things with him only to meet someone new right about the same time. Someone who doesn’t just give me butterflies, but full-on rabble of butterflies, giggling like a school girl nerves. He’s sweet, he’s cute, he’s intelligent, he’s driven, he’s gainfully employed, and he doesn’t have commitment issues. He’s absolutely NORMAL! His friends? NORMAL!

It sounds like there should be a but at the end of that paragraph, but there’s not. Not a single “if only”, “but he”, etc.

We enjoy spending time together, and can drift off into the comfortable silence that, dare I say it, is important in relationships.

And, for the first time in years, I spent New Year’s in the arms of a really great guy.

So far, 2009 is rocking….

Practice Makes Perfect

Za Za Zu

Etymology: Translation of the french word “je ne sais quoi” meaning “I don’t know”.

Definiton: Don’t know what it is about that person that I like, but there is definitely something. They have some sort of spunk about them; they don’t neccessarily have to be good looking but there’s just something. It’s kind of like the chemistry between two people, the charisma that they have and the way they make you feel.

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I don’t feel guilty posting about this now that it’s over. So here goes.

There’s one piece of information I didn’t include in my earlier post. I was spending time with a member of the male species since the end of August. (What a novel idea!)

And although he seemed like a perfectly nice guy, there were no butterflies, or za za zu if you will. I was honest about my intentions from the get go about how I wasn’t sure if I wanted another relationship right now. Dating is/was relatively new and I don’t think I was ready to hope back into a relationship. What I didn’t mention (to spare his feelings), when I am/was it definitely wasn’t going to be with him.

So for the last little while we’ve been hanging out, going to movies, keeping things very casual. No classifying anything, and just referring to each other as friends.

Well, a few weeks ago I realized things were going to have to end. When I found myself making excuses to avoid seeing him at all, and not particularly looking forward to his advances, I knew I had to do it.

But being the chicken shit that I am, I hmmm’d and hawww’d over it as long as possible. This weekend? I finally gathered up the courage and cut him loose. As my friend pointed out, with certain other situations currently taking place, it really was the time to do it.

So I had THE talk with him on Sunday. He didn’t say much – but I didn’t give him much of a chance. He seemed quiet, and perhaps a touch angry about it but didn’t try to argue the point too much. And yes, I did utter the totally cliché phrases of “I’d like to be friends”, and “It’s not you, it really is me”, but both were followed up with additional statements.

“I’d like to be friends” was followed by “but that’s totally up to you”. And “It’s not you, it really is me” was followed up by me explaining that something was missing.

So after taking the high road and doing this face to face, and letting him off gently, what does the loser decide to do? UNFRIEND ME FROM FACEBOOK! How freaking juvenile is that?

At least now I can feel free to post whatever status I want without having to worry about hurting his feelings.

So there, now you the whole story of the last 3.5 months of my life.

There are a few other tidbits, but they are works in progress and can’t, and won’t, be disclosed until a future date.

My own personal game of The Bachelorette

Oh, dear lord. Someone help me please!

The ST I mentioned in an earlier post seems bound and determined to find me my future husband. I was telling him about the expected craziness of my cousin’s up-coming wedding in November when he asked me if I’m bringing a date. I told him I’ll bring a date if I’ve been with the guy long enough. Otherwise, I’ll happily go it alone. His response, “Well, you may just meet your future husband tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the industry’s Touch Football Competition and I have been told (not asked), that I’m going to this thing. For some insane reason ST has taken it into his little head of his that I’m going to meet some Investment Banker and will be swept off my feet. And he’s apparently going to have a big hand in it.

I can say with absolute certainty that I’ve never had a co-worker take such interest in finding me a husband! Even my own friends aren’t putting this much effort into “finding me a man”, as they so eloquently put it.

Another team member overheard us having this conversation and asked what was going on. I told her that ST seems determined to match me up with an Investment Banker. She laughed and said she wouldn’t trust ST’s friends. To which of course ST took offense.

I’ve never had my relationship status become such fodder for the office gossip mill before.

Conversations

Theresa was telling me about a conversation she had regarding NKOTB today at work. And it got me thinking of my own job.

Do you know what kind of conversations I’ve had at work the last week or so? See below for samples:

ST (Sales Trainee): So are you going to this event tonight?
Me: What event?
ST: The one at the Elgin. (I can’t actually remember the name of the place so I picked the Elgin to make my job seem somewhat sophisticated.)
Me: Is it a team function, or a general gathering?
ST: It’s a Real Estate event. Basically a schmooze fest for Sales Reps and Analysts.
Me: Um, no. Are you?
ST: Yeah. You should go.
Me: I don’t think so.
ST: Why not? You could meet your future husband there.
Me: I don’t think so.
ST: Why not?
Me: I’m not looking for a husband right now. I want simple, fun and uncomplicated.
ST: Not me. I’m looking for that.
Me: Ah. So who knows, maybe you’ll meet your future wife there tonight!
ST: Not likely.
Me: Why not?
ST: It’s all sausage at these things. No bun.

And then today:

ST: So are you coming to the Keg tonight?
Me: I can’t go. I’m waiting for my order from that home shopping thing I did at my house a few weeks ago.
ST: Are we going to get you to come out this summer at least once?
Me: Sure.
ST: Good. You might meet your future husband there that night! Some nice, smarmy Investment Banker.

Seriously? Theresa talks about New Kids and I get invitations to party and drink, and suggestions on where to meet rich men. The ST is pretty cool. He’s a smart kid and I’m a little more relaxed around him then some other people in the office. Probably because it hasn’t been that long since I was partying it up every night. I still find it funny that he keeps using that same line.

One night I’m going to actually find some friends to go out and party with me and I’ll run into him. That will be interesting to say the least!

Single Girl Diaries

I’m a typical female in that I love to watch The Slice Network (formerly W Network). I love watching the design shows, The Shopping Bags and The Single Girl Diaries.

As of late, my favourite show really is SGD. The show focuses on the same 3 girls as they go to singles events, or out on dates, and then rehash their experiences for the camera. Tonight’s episode was at a singles wine tasting event.

As I was watching the show I couldn’t help but ask myself if I would go to such an event. The answer? No. Perhaps if I had a single friend to go with me I may be more open to events like these. But, as most of my friends are busy playing house with their significant others, and they certainly wouldn’t (and shouldn’t for that matter), be interested in going, I don’t.

The funny thing? I’m not a shy person. It has nothing to do with nerves, with shyness or lack of self-confidence. A girl just needs a wingman for things like this.

So the question remains. What is the next logical step for me? As I mentioned in an earlier post, my friends know that I am now open to the idea of dating and if they want to introduce me to certain friends, then so be it. But what can I do on my own? I can’t do the online dating thing. I’ve tried. I had a profile on www.plentyoffish.com but found the site to be way to unorganized. I once filled out an online profile with www.eharmony.com but refuse to pay $20 some-odd dollars a month to meet people. Even lavalife is to time intensive.

I want something casual and easy going and I refuse to pay money for dating services or matchmakers. So what’s left? Am I missing something?

Suggestions anyone?

What kind of man is he?

As a woman in today’s world, it’s important to be aware of the many forms of men out there. The most common form out there are the “guys”. The “guys” are your male friends you hang out with. The ones you let see you when you’re in your grungy old jogging pants, hair all messed up and with no make-up. These guys will closely resemble the relationships you have with your brothers, fathers, or any other close family member. In my case, since I don’t have any brothers, my guys are surrogate brothers.

Next come the “boys”. The boys are difficult to spot when you’re playing the dating game. They come off charming, and seem ideal for you. But beware! The boys are very good at hiding just who they truly are. These are the momma’s boys who are still too busy dreaming of their ideal life to do anything serious about it. The sad thing with the boys? They are able to deceive even the most astute woman out there, and it’s generally only after some time has been invested in them that their true nature is discovered.

After the boys, come the boy-man, or man-boy (the terms can be used interchangeably depending on what end of the spectrum the male tends to gravitate towards). A little closer to a true man, but still with several hang-ups that the “boys” tend to suffer from. The man-boys take quite a bit longer to identify than boys, and sadly, by then you may find yourself attached to them and susceptible to some heartbreak.

Then. Then come the men. The true goal of every female out there (straight female anyways), is to find a man. A man is difficult to find, so when you find one don’t let them go. Under the category of men you may find sub-categories, but ultimately they are all the same: dependable, reliable just the right mix of everything to keep you happy.

As I start to venture out into the world of dating again, fully open to whatever possibilities may be out there, I am venturing out and trying to locate a “man”. I’ve done the “boy” thing, I’ve done the “boy-man” thing. It’s time to search out the men. And from what I’ve discovered lately? Manly men are definitely on my menu!

*If you’ve found another category of the male species and want to add them to the list please feel free to leave a comment!*