How 6 years makes all the difference in the world.

Towards the end of the day yesterday I was having a conversation with ST (again), when the following conversation took place:

Me: So we have the 3 sets of materials for the TPA package ready. Do you know who it goes to?
ST: No, but I’ll find out.
Me: Okay.
ST: And you’re totally going to get cluster fucked by me tomorrow.
Me: Okay….I’m sorry….WHAT!?!
ST: With the Spadina package. You’re going to be cluster fucked when you take a look at it.

Trust me. It does not mean what it sounds like. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

Bet you were thinking something dirty, eh? It’s okay, my mind went there at first too!

My own personal game of The Bachelorette

Oh, dear lord. Someone help me please!

The ST I mentioned in an earlier post seems bound and determined to find me my future husband. I was telling him about the expected craziness of my cousin’s up-coming wedding in November when he asked me if I’m bringing a date. I told him I’ll bring a date if I’ve been with the guy long enough. Otherwise, I’ll happily go it alone. His response, “Well, you may just meet your future husband tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the industry’s Touch Football Competition and I have been told (not asked), that I’m going to this thing. For some insane reason ST has taken it into his little head of his that I’m going to meet some Investment Banker and will be swept off my feet. And he’s apparently going to have a big hand in it.

I can say with absolute certainty that I’ve never had a co-worker take such interest in finding me a husband! Even my own friends aren’t putting this much effort into “finding me a man”, as they so eloquently put it.

Another team member overheard us having this conversation and asked what was going on. I told her that ST seems determined to match me up with an Investment Banker. She laughed and said she wouldn’t trust ST’s friends. To which of course ST took offense.

I’ve never had my relationship status become such fodder for the office gossip mill before.

Censorship

Over the years I’ve had several Scarlet Blogs, for lack of a better term. Blogs that I don’t tell my friends about and are really meant for me to vent some pent up emotions about some very personal matters. Sometimes it’s about what’s going on with my family (things that are not common knowledge), and sometimes it’s just about me venting on how frustrated my friends can make me. And let’s face it people. Even our closest friends will frustrate and annoy you at some point or another. If you say otherwise you’re lying, or your friends are figments of your imagination.

And that’s really what’s been getting to me lately. Having to rewrite posts so as not to offend anyone, and sometimes just not writing a post at all since it may upset people.

I know that I’m not alone in this. I just had the same conversation with Theresa, and her censoring her blog content because people at her work read it.

So here’s my question to the few readers that come here. Do you find yourself censoring your own blog and it’s content? How do you get around it? And how can a blog be a true expression of one’s thoughts and feelings if we’re not always being honest with our material? Isn’t that just doing a disservice to ones self?

Conversations

Theresa was telling me about a conversation she had regarding NKOTB today at work. And it got me thinking of my own job.

Do you know what kind of conversations I’ve had at work the last week or so? See below for samples:

ST (Sales Trainee): So are you going to this event tonight?
Me: What event?
ST: The one at the Elgin. (I can’t actually remember the name of the place so I picked the Elgin to make my job seem somewhat sophisticated.)
Me: Is it a team function, or a general gathering?
ST: It’s a Real Estate event. Basically a schmooze fest for Sales Reps and Analysts.
Me: Um, no. Are you?
ST: Yeah. You should go.
Me: I don’t think so.
ST: Why not? You could meet your future husband there.
Me: I don’t think so.
ST: Why not?
Me: I’m not looking for a husband right now. I want simple, fun and uncomplicated.
ST: Not me. I’m looking for that.
Me: Ah. So who knows, maybe you’ll meet your future wife there tonight!
ST: Not likely.
Me: Why not?
ST: It’s all sausage at these things. No bun.

And then today:

ST: So are you coming to the Keg tonight?
Me: I can’t go. I’m waiting for my order from that home shopping thing I did at my house a few weeks ago.
ST: Are we going to get you to come out this summer at least once?
Me: Sure.
ST: Good. You might meet your future husband there that night! Some nice, smarmy Investment Banker.

Seriously? Theresa talks about New Kids and I get invitations to party and drink, and suggestions on where to meet rich men. The ST is pretty cool. He’s a smart kid and I’m a little more relaxed around him then some other people in the office. Probably because it hasn’t been that long since I was partying it up every night. I still find it funny that he keeps using that same line.

One night I’m going to actually find some friends to go out and party with me and I’ll run into him. That will be interesting to say the least!

Beating back the irrational me.

So I reread my last post. And it’s obvious I was having an emotionally unstable day. I’ve found that without that wonderful little daily pill that managed my period (oh my god did I actually just write that?), my emotions aren’t quite as controlled. Back when I was on BCP’s, I could tell you exactly what day I was going to have PMS on. And yes dear readers, it really was just one day. While I’ve been off the BCP for 6 months now I’ve learned a few things:

1. My hormones are definitely more controlled now then they ever were 10 years ago when I first went on the pill.

2. I can tell when I’m PMS’ing as it’s happening, compared to years ago when it I wouldn’t clue in until a few days later after I morphed back to normal and reality smacked me in the face. (Let’s just say that I could turn into my own version of the Hulk for about 4 days each month, and leave it at that.)

3. Exactly one day prior to my one and only PMS day (where I’m just generally cranky), I experience a very emotionally draining day where I’m very negative about my self-image and generally feeling very low. I’m prone to dwell on certain subjects and really want to do nothing more than to be left alone to wallow in my own misery

And most importantly, I’ve learned that when I’m having my emotional day I should not be allowed to write anything on here!

So please excuse me while I give myself a mental kick!

Dig Up

Back on Victoria Day my niece’s 29 year old boyfriend (yes, he’s older than me) made a comment about women being confused and not knowing what they want. He made this comment while out with 4 girls (the boy has a death wish). And if you know anything about me at all, you know I didn’t let this pass. He tried removing his foot from his mouth but only managed to shove it in further. My cousin (and not a cousin to my niece) told him ”to keep digging up”.

Oddly enough, I find this phrase quite appropriate concerning my life at the moment. I fully admit I’m stuck, and I feel like the few attempts I’ve made have been as futile as “digging up”. My drive has, and I apologize for the really bad pun that’s about to happen, driven away. The catch-22 here is I know how to go about changing how I’m feeling, but as I said, I just can’t bring myself to do it.

I’ll never say this to Metro (my nickname for my niece’s boyfriend), but in this instance I really am confused.

Anyone feel like giving this girl the proverbial kick in the ass she needs?