Watch For Possible Insanity

I’m going to have a very bad week. How do I know this? The last 3 days have consisted of a giant ball of stress and pent-up emotions constantly growing in my stomach and slowly putting pressure on my lungs.

It’s Saturday night at 1:17 am, the cats are asleep and I’m wide awake. I’m getting antsy and feeling my nerves fray as I type. I can feel the walls slowly closing in on me and the urge to just walk in the cold indefinitely is increasing.

The following week may involve, but not limited to, the following: constant bouts of insomnia, fatigue, increasing irritability, hives, tears, irrational thoughts, melancholy, nightmares/restless sleep (when I can), forgetfulness, anxiety attacks, hyper emotional sensitivity.

Don’t you love it when you can predict when you’re going to go insane?

Excuse me while I book my room in the psych ward.

Mild Case of Amnesia

People, let me clarify something for you. The tidbit below about the random guy I once talked to for a few weeks? I do not remember this happening! Over the last few weeks, people have regaled me with stories of my youth that I CANNOT REMEMBER!

Either there is this massive conspiracy going on with my friends where they are trying to drive me insane by making me think I have amnesia; or perhaps I do have amnesia caused from the disgustingly few hours of sleep, and enormous number of hours I spent dancing into the wee hours of the morning between the ages of 19 and 22.

And, in case you were wondering, yes, alcohol was usually involved (and not in small quantities) on those nights. I was a bit of a wild child in my younger, thinner days. I had this knack for going out with minimal amounts of money, having several drinks throughout the night, and going home with the exact amount of money that I went in with.

Hmmm. That last comment can be taken the wrong way. Please note that although I was a wild child to some extent, I did nothing for those free drinks! heh

Juxtaposition

Who I Was Before….

Heading off to the club where I was guaranteed to run into that cute guy I would always drink with. And, inevitably, end up making out with. The one who’s name I could never remember, either because it was all in fun, or perhaps I was just a little drunk.

Meeting people left, right and centre. Occasionally in very unique ways (like the guy who called my cell phone by mistake and I wound up talking to for a couple of weeks).

Who I Became….

“What happened to the clam I used to know? The one who used to yell at me when I’d start drinking?”

Becoming somewhat introverted and a bit of a loner. Started to develop a mild case of anxiety in crowded places and when confronted with the idea of meeting a large group of people.

Who I Am Now….

Heading out to the bar with one friend, and making friends with several new people over the course of the night.

Being the “buffer zone” when people are nervous about situations. Being the girl your friends invite with them to new events because they know that if they don’t want to talk, they know you will.

Heading off on vacations with friends, always up for the latest gathering or party. The girl who is rarely at home because she’s filled her life with work, school, the gym, and friends.

****

When confronted with the comment of being a clam, my only reasoning is that it was because of him. He asked how was it his fault? I explained that it wasn’t his fault per se, but the causes were tied directly to him.

When he said he was surprised and happy that I’ve “decided to live and finally get a life”, I felt compelled to remind him of who I truly am. I reminded him that I’m the outgoing girl who’s always on the go and always has something to talk about. The “me” he came to know was a mere shadow of the person I truly am.

It was an interesting conversation. One where he actually asked me how everything was going with me. Something he hasn’t done in years. So, do I think he’s any less self-involved? No. Do I think he’s matured and is wiser? Please.

So what’s with his sudden about-face? I don’t know and don’t care. It was just a nice, brief conversation with an old friend. The type you’d have if you ran into them on the street after not seeing them for ages.

Oh, and the insult of finally getting a life (whether implied or not), was totally ignored. I just couldn’t do it. I just can’t be bothered getting riled up over something as petty as that comment from him. Why is that? Because I don’t think he meant it. And if I thought, even for a moment, that he did mean it? He’d be missing his head. Why? Because I’m the girl you don’t piss off – if you enjoy having your head attached to your body that is.

I did mention his girlfriend though (the one he still will not say anything about to me). I mentioned how the information he was asking me about he probably could have got from his girlfriend. If she even had access to that information, that is. I explained to him that at her company the top dogs were the marketing and sales people. Anyone else was pretty much at the bottom of the Totem Pole. Unless, that is, she’s been promoted out of data entry into Marketing.

Subtle jab, reminding him how he’s downgraded. But that’s me. I’m a bitch like that! heh