Goodbye “some day”, Hello “today”

With all the recent changes I’ve been making in my life, I’m noticing a drastic improvement in my attitude. Classes on Wednesday’s, personal training sessions on Monday’s and Friday’s, and driving lessons on Saturday’s doesn’t leave me a whole lot of time to loaf around the house. And with the added activites, I’ve realized that I’m more upbeat.

So if getting out of the house is enough to stimulate myself mentally, why the hell have I been putting things off for so long?

I got so used to saying “some day”, that I started to get depressed thinking of everything I’ve failed to accomplish, or even attempt. (Or, was it the depression causing the “some day” attitude.)

Perhaps my New Year’s Resolution should have been what my friend Corinne did. Change my attitude from a “some day” attitude (which is basically a defeatist one in nature), to a “today” attitude.

It got to the point that everything I wanted was a “some day” kind of thing and was put off indefinitely. And, after awhile, I started to wonder if anyone would believe me when I said I wanted to do something (travel, school, etc.). If maybe they started thinking, “Sure you will. I’ll believe it when it happens.” I don’t know if they did or not, and perhaps my ego and self-esteem is better off not knowing, but I started to feel that way.

So what was the turning point? I’m thinking Paris. I’ve always wanted to travel to France, and having accomplished that in September 2007, it opened up so many other possibilities. Or maybe it was just beating back the nagging mild depression I have been experiencing for a very long time. (I’ll get into that another time.)

Either way, I’m glad that I’ve changed.

Oh, and look. Another New Year’s Resolution accomplished. I’m blogging more often!

Curves ‘R Us

During my consultation at the gym, the trainer stated that his goal is not to make me skinny. The goal is for me to be fit and curvy. I like that goal!

Speaking of curves of the upper body sort (read boobs), the following conversation took place over Christmas. My BIL frequently calls me Dolly. I do not take offense to it since I’ve known him long before I had curves of any nature (he’s been around from the time I was about 9). Anyways, I asked him what he was going to do when I lose the weight. I hopefully won’t be as “gifted” as I currently am. He said he wouldn’t like me anymore!

My own friend Jenn introduced me to a groomsmen at our friend Erin’s wedding with the following comment, “This is my friend K. She has a nice rack.”

The 19 year old groomsmen replied “I noticed.”

I apologize if I’ve mentioned this on here before. It all kind of goes with my way of thinking right now. What are people going to notice when I don’t have the boobs anymore? Thankfully, the trainer estimates a 36 when all my training sessions are done. I think 36 is a nice round number. No pun intended!

Am I sick to be excited about going to the gym? Probably. But it’s a good thing nonetheless.

Sucking Bongos

I think it’s time to announce that 2008 has officially sucked bongos. How else can you describe a year that within the first 22 days you:

1 – Know exactly 5 people who have passed away.
2 – When you arrive at your destination for a girls weekend, you call home only to find out that your Great Aunt Dolly passed away very suddenly at 70 (bringing the above total to 5).
3 – Your older sister is once again having a melt down which is everyone else’s fault but hers. (Can someone turn off the broken record please?)
4 – You get the sneaky suspicion, that if things keep going this way, those words you had with the above mentioned sister a few years ago, will very easily be replaced as the second most shocking thing you have ever said in front of your parents.

In good news though, I have officially paid off 3 major bills, started working towards my Marketing Management Certificate, and went back to the gym. I’ve also signed up for a personal trainer to work with me twice a week for the next little while, and although it pains me to see so much of my money coming out of my account, it will ensure I go to the gym and lose this weight.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed where I can dream of a happy 2008….

A Belated Christmas Celebration

It’s 11:30 on Thursday night. I should be packing for my weekend road trip with the girls to meet another friend of ours and celebrate Christmas and Secret Santa. Obviously, I’m not. I’m sitting here surfing the internet and trying to visualize what I’m going to take with me while simultaneously singing along with Heart’s “All I wanna do is make love to you”. It’s a far cry from physically packing but it’s a start.

This is the way that I think. Is your brain bleeding yet?

I spent an hour tonight downloading new/old music to add to my MP3 player for the trip. Chances are it will be a little loud considering my recent hearing problems, but my friends all know about my hearing problems (mainly that I’m slowly but surely losing more of my hearing).

I have a hearing test booked within the next two weeks and I’m not particularly looking forward to it. The chamber you’re put in always cause pressure issues in my ear. But I need to have this done because this constant buzzing in my ear (possible tinitus?) is driving me nuts, and I’ve started having semi-frequent dizzy spells. They don’t last long but it’s enough to irritate me.

How serious am I taking this? I mentioned it to my HR Manager and I had to let my teammates know since I was having difficulties understanding what they were saying. I generally keep this piece of info to myself unless it’s causing problems. Well, guess what? It is.

That’s pretty much the only thing I have to add. Life is life. I’ve been working crazy hours, started a new “healthy lifestyle” in regards to eat, and am actually looking forward to going to the gym. I’m not looking forward to the horrendous numbers expected in Monday’s assessment, but I’ll deal.

Besides, if all the trainers/employees are as hot as the trainer I talked with last week I’ll be at the gym an awful lot.

Anyone know how to make an inconspicuous peephole in the men’s change room? I wouldn’t mind seeing the rest of the package that goes with that gorgeous face of his. Which I noticed first but was closely followed by the arms and the chest. I’m very grateful for form fitting shirts in men.

I’ll be back on Sunday. I’m guaranteed to have a few stories to share by then.

It’s A Set Up

My mother was on the phone with one of her best friend’s tonight after visiting with her for several hours earlier in the day. They’ve known each other since my mom was pregnant with me, and I’m 28, so that’s a very long time.

Anyways, I’ve grown up with this ladies two children. Her son is 30 and is the proud papa to an absolutely adorable little girl who’s 2. Her daughter who is 25 (I’m a little sketchy as to exact age for her) is the proud mama of 5. My mom’s friend, who will be here on out called D, is not impressed with her son’s girlfriend and baby mama. She’s taken to asking her son when he’s going to get rid of the “witch” (but that’s another story).

Somehow the topic came up and D said to my mom that what her son needs is a sweet girl like me and they should work on setting us up. That caused me to start laughing out loud and I stated that that will never happen.

My mom and D followed up with “Why?”

I laughed and answered, “There are so many things wrong with that idea it’s not even funny.”

D asked, “Why? Is it because he powdered your bum when you were a baby?” (There’s that infamous photo when his two-year-old hand was on my 5/6 month old naked behind rearing it’s ugly head again.)

I said, “That’s partly it. It could also be because he pulled my hair ponytail as a teenager. Or the fact that I’ve grown up with him and that would just be strange. Or the fact that he has a baby and that takes him off the list.”

D replied with, “Yeah, but he’d have another one and you two would make a beautiful baby.”

That conversation has officially terrified me. As I said to my mom later, I know that if we ever hooked up they would be the happiest women ever.

If D’s son ever leaves his girlfriend I better have a boyfriend or else I’ll be dodging set-ups.

Too Many Tears To Count

2008 has not started out as the stellar year I was hoping for. In the last 9 days, my ex’s great-uncle was tragically killed in a car accident at the age of 70, along with his 31 year old daughter-in-law who was 8 months pregnant with his granddaughter. Sadly, no one survived. The uncle used to make me smile and laugh by teasing me when I would see him, he had a great sense of humour. I did not know the daughter-in-law, but had met her husband in the past. The idea of these lives being taken so quickly is hard to process. I pray for his wife and his son that they find peace somehow with what has happened.

While searching for the obituary for this uncle, we discovered that a very close friend of my dad’s passed away on December 31. My Uncle Luke (it’s what we all called him), passed away after a long illness. My Uncle Luke, and his wife, Aunt Do, have been sick for the past year and were unable to attend my dad’s funeral. We know that they were thinking of us though.

My sister, my mom and I went to the service the other night to pay our respects. That night we shared many laughs, and many more tears. Sharon, his youngest daughter, told us the following story of his final moments.

My Uncle Luke’s only request was that he wanted to die at home. He knew it was coming and didn’t want to be in the hospital. He wanted to be with his family, that was it. After fighting for many months, the time was nearing on December 31. But Uncle Luke, being Uncle Luke, was fighting and struggling to hang on and refused to let go. Sharon told her Dad that day that it was okay to let go and it was his time. He didn’t have to fight anymore and that they would all be okay. Besides his buddy Jackie (my dad) was waiting for him. My Uncle Luke ,who was barely able to speak at the end, said “My buddy Jackie’s waiting?” Sharon told Uncle Luke, “Yeah, your buddy Jackie’s waiting for you. He’s waiting to see you.” Uncle Luke said “okay”, then closed his eyes and passed away minutes later.

I firmly believe that my dad was there, welcoming my Uncle Luke to Heaven. How could I not? For one day I hope to see him there myself.